Not Like Me

[Verse 1]
She was on her way to becoming a college graduate
Wouldn't even stop to talk to the average kid
The type of latina I'd sit and contemplate marriage with
Fuck the horse and carriage shit, her love was never for hire
Disciplined, intellectual beauty's what I desire
Flyer than Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez
Everyone told me, kickin' it to her was hopeless
At first I just thought, she didn't mess with broke kids
The thug niggaz always talking about, how they smoke kids
But the rich-sniff-coke kids got no play
"I'm not even interested" is what her body language would say
Everyone around the way, gave up trying to get in it
It didn't matter how good your game was, she wasn't with it
On the block, bitches was jealous, but wouldn't admit it
Talk shit, and deny to everyone that they did it
'Cause they regreted the long list of niggaz that they let hit it
And no one ever gave them shit except McDonald's and did-dick
Smoking weed with thoughts of envy, whenever they lit it
She smoked intelligently and they bit it, always trying to copy
But when they tried to use her vocab, they sounded sloppy
She had a style, all her own, respectful and pure
I was sick in the head for her, and there wasn't a cure[Hook - Jean Grae]
Don't you know that, time waits for no man
Not fate, it's all planned
I'm blessed just to know you
I've loved and I've lost just to hold you all night
Can't find, a reason why
God came, to you and I
If I had the chance again, I'd never let you go
Hold tight to your love, 'cause you never know[Verse 2]
Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad
I used to talk to her occasionally, and she was glad
That I wasn't just another nigga trying to get in it
So every now and then we'd stop and talk for a minute
I didn't have a gimmick so the minutes turned to hours
On her birthday, I gave her a poem with flowers
Then I took her out to dinner after her cousin's baby shower
We talked about, power to the people and such
We spent more time together but it was never enough
I never tried to sneak a touch, or even cop a feel
I was too interested, in keeping it real
Perfectly honest and complete, she would always call me "carino,"
And never Technique, bought me a new book to read every 2 or 3 weeks
Forever changing the expression of my thoughts when I speak
It was because of her, I even deaded all of my freaks
She convinced me, to stop hangin' out on the streets
To stop robbin' and stealin', from people like you
Instead I took her out to the Apollo and the Bronxu
We sailed in Barrio (?) and the Metropolitan too
Got to the point when I was either with her or my crew
So I decided one day, to tell her my feelings was true
I couldn't live without her so I told her, facing my fears
But honey's only response, was a face full of tears
She could only sob hysterically, holding me tight
I tried to speak, but she wouldn't stop until I left sight
I felt like a moth who got himself too close to the light
Except I didn't burn, I turned cold after that night[Hook][Verse 3]
I went on with my life, college and my career
Ended up locked up like an animal for a year
Where the C.O.'s talk to you like they were the overseer
Then I got sent to the hole, when my exit was near
At night in my cell, I'd close my eyes and I'd see her
Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared
Just an empty cell until the state gave me parole in the summer
came back, in tact and on track
But the fact of the matter, is I still felt cold
Even after my mother, hugged me, cryin' at home
My real niggaz would catch me thinkin', out of my zone
Fuckin' lots of different women, but I still felt alone
Relatively well-known around the New York underground
But I kept thinking of her and how we used to be down
The sound of her voice, and the beautiful smell of her hair
Though gone physically, somehow it was still there
I had to do something, because the shit was too much to bear
So I went and visited the building where she used to live
The world looks a lot different after you do a bid
The way your life done changed
While primitive minds (are) still stuck in the same game
Like her cousin who was on the corner slangin' cocaine
Stepped in the lobby and tapped the button next to her last name
Her mom buzzed me up and hugged me up, like a mother oughta
But her facial expression changed, when I asked about her daughter[Hook][Verse 4]
She told me that there was a note for me, that was left behind
She had left it there waiting, for such a long time
I was inclined to ask about it but she brought it up first
I saw a tear swelling up in her eye, and then she cursed
She told me where the letter was and I started thinking the worst
Reversed my position, stepped over and opened the door
And sure enough there was an envelope with my name on the floor
"Nobody loves you more than me carino" is what the letter said"By the time you get to read this, I'll probably be dead
But when you left in '97 a part of me went to Heaven
I thank God at least I got to know what love really was
But it hurt me, to see what true love really does
'Cause even though we never made love, you were all that there was
It was because I loved you so much that I had to make you leave
You made me doubt the way I thought, you made me want to believe
And then I slipped up, and I let you get close to me
It was hard to not be openly when people spoke to me
This was not the way I thought my life was supposed to be
Baby don't you see, I had a blood transfusion that left me with HIV
Hoped the end exists for me since late in 1993
I died a virgin, I wish I could've given myself to you
I cried in the hospital because there was no one else but you
Promise that you'll meet me in paradise inevitably
No matter what, I'll keep your love forever with me"What happened for the rest of the day is still a blur
But I remember wishing that I was dead, instead of her
She was buried on August 3rd
The story ends without a sequel
And now you know why Technique, don't fucking fall in love with people
Hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you
The one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you
Appreciate them to the fullest extent, and then beyond
'Cause you never really know what you got, until it's gone